it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just found a bag of teeth...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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