i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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