Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize