I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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