I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
