At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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