We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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