piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I lost the right to judge tonight
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
