you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
