Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
