I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
