adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Success! We fucked roommates!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
