cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
