i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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