She is in my trunk
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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