With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
