When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
