ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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