that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
