Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
