If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
