If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
