I'm sorry my penis didn't work
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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