If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
