why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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