At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
