and she was petting her beer can
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
