somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
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If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
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First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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