I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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