I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
