i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
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Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
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Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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