I want to walk on stilts...naked
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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