Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
