just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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