Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize