why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
