someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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