am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
