For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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