4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Having a random hookup so left but love u
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
