I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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