Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
