I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
