My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
