did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
