There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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