dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
