You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
