I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
