All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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