I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
