On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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