Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
