WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
