Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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