When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
