I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
