Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just had sex on a roof
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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