Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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