I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
