well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
