Too much gin, very little bucket
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
