Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
