dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
