Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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