This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
