He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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