No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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