I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
my liver is dry heaving
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
